If Women would support another women nobody can touch her !

 - By Sunita Sharma Koirala 

 Savita Bhandari case in Chitwan, Nepal shows a clear picture of our daughter in laws are dominated by male in our society. I have no much details  about the incident  but whenever I go through the story I ask myself why our daughters are not safe in our home nowadays ?

 When I saw the recorded video I asked  myself why Savita Bhandari did not leave the home  right after the incident occurred? If she would have left the home right away she could save her life. But, she did not and instead her soul left the Earth forever.

 There are many Sabita Bhandaris in our society, whose stories never come to light; who have been suffering lots of Domestic Violence and sexual harassment  from

their family’s members sometimes from husband,  sometimes from mother in law and sometimes from other family members of the house too which is really bad.  Therefore, I would recommend the victim to leave the home immediately whenever this  kind of domestic violence and sexual harassment occurs within the family because once this kind of incident occurs their lives becomes at risk.

 I have seen especially  in poor middle-class families in Nepal they expect lots of Dowries from the daughter in law side . If their wish will not be fulfilled they starts troubling to their daughter in law and incident could become even more dangerous. 

 My requests go to those families why would not you make your daughter educated instead of giving lots of Dowries to your daughter’s families ? Let’s make our daughter educated , let help her to find a job , when she will be able to earn something then after only let encourage her to marry . But this is not happening in the society and happening just opposite because of that our daughter are becoming  victims .

 Another thing is that our daughter in law are dominated by mother in law in the house . If something wrong happened by the male side in the house , it will automatically charge it to the women. We women we even will not protect women in our home. if man does something wrong with her all blame directly goes to the woman but not the man. Therefore, women should be protected by the women in the house but no mother in law with save the daughter in law instead of saving her faulty husband.

 We  women think that only our  daughter is good and others daughters are bad in the society and we even push to prove others daughter  is very bad and got a mantel Issue . We women ourselves in the family try to hide the incident in order to save the men’s fault because of that men are getting motivated and most of the daughter in law are becoming victims and even leads to death.

First of all, in order to stop domestic violence and sexual harassment in the home  women should change your mentality, change your attitude, and change your gossiping behavior towards other women in your circle . Be professional, not a rude and talkative backbiter . You have to elevate your thinking; somebody’s daughter is also a princess in their house so try to treat them as a princess but not as a victim of your house.

Unfortunately, once a daughter gets married, everything changes. Why does she need to tolerate everything after turning into a daughter-in-law? Why is this heavy burden put on her, the very next day of her marriage? This is a bad yet socially accepted, even cherished, part of every girls’ lives that they are supposed to face with exquisite grace and calmness, after all, she is now in her new ‘home’.

As we all know, after getting married a daughter in law cannot get the same environment in her home like her parents’ home .Once she gets, married a daughter in law has a lot of responsibilities. She has to take care for her home , please her husband and every member of the house and this is the most challenging part for every daughter and which depends on the family she is married into. If the family member of the house are supportive then she will live a happy married life otherwise, if her husband and also if only one family member of the family displays hostility and are not supportive to her, then her life is spent victimized by her own family .

Every women when she gets married, goes to her husband’s home and tries her best to please her husband and family , unfortunately if the husband and one of family members specifically the women mother in law or daughter of the house or even a man is not supportive then she has to end her life fighting against the family.

Some daughter, after getting married, if she could not get the proper love and care what she has been expecting from the family she still try her best to establish the relationship between her family fighting till the end in our culture. But if she is alone and without support, she can only take a stand for so long. Every daughter in law will lose if all of the family member is against with her and not supportive towards her .

Then in this kind of situation, she has to make a choice. Either she has to fight with her family in order to get her love back until she dies or she needs to separate from her husband immediately to save her life because the reason behind the separation is always associated with domestic violence. The daughter-in-law becomes a victim.

Moreover, every woman has beautiful dreams to decorate her home after her marriage. No women would like to ruin their home after her marriage. No women would like to separate from her husband after marriage . Unfortunately, if there is domestic violence and a question arises between her life and death, then she has to choose one.
Some women give up fighting once it is extreme and love to live separate life than her husband and family but some women still cannot imagine living separating from her husband and will fight till death and will be ready to sacrifice their lives .The literate poor women who cannot make a stand right away in her fight against her family end up paying with their lives and this is an extremely heartbreaking incident happening very often in our society .

Why is all this happening with our daughter-in-law in their own home? Why does this never happen to your own daughter? Mother-in-laws only love their daughters but not the daughters-in-law . Also, most of us have not realized this but in some family even Father in law or other family member could have a bad eye on her daughter-in-law too we have to understand. This is happening because the family member only loves his wife but not the daughter in law but he wants to abuse her. To be honest, why there is no love and respect for others daughter in our society. Why is that? You do not love or respect your own son’s wife and trouble her every day. And insist that she must tolerate ? But why should women always tolerate? Why can she not be treated like your own daughter ? Why should she always be sacrificed?

Moreover , this is a great fault in our society that a married daughter should not come back to her parents’ home and stay again with her parents . If she left her husband home she has no place to live until she could stand on her feet . After marriage a daughter cannot stay long in to her parents’ home even if her home almost has turned into a living hell for her, then where would she go, other than straight into the hands of death. Does this happen to your daughter? If this had happened to your daughter, you would understand otherwise you will hate the woman who has survived domestic violence and has not had to end up dead. On top of that , shame on the women who are staying with their husband and troubling and victimizing their daughter-in-law and push them to the brink of contemplating and committing suicide or help family members to kill daughter in law.

Society, please think about your daughter-in-law , she is also like your daughter and she also have a life and wants to live with dignity like your daughter. In order to live in her husbands’ home, she also needs to be happy and she must laugh with in her family . Why does our society deem it rude for a daughter-in-law to laugh in her husband’s home? Why does she need to cry ? If a daughter could not laugh and be happy within the house then that house is not a home for her and that house for sure, could condemn her to death.

Why would you think like that your daughter is good and your daughter in law is bad ? Why would you save your daughter but not the daughter in law ? All Women should love and take care of other women in the home. All women should respect other women first before Men, I would say . Unfortunately , all women always count the men as first citizen and counts women as the second citizen, unbelievable!
We know, a daughter grows through various phases in her life; First as a daughter, then as a daughter in law , then after a mother and then a mother in law. Unfortunately, why every single woman think that they are good and every other woman is bad ? Why is the woman who is separated after a domestic violence from a home and living separately as single lady bad and you who are staying with your husband good? If you think like that, you are a part of the problem. Your thinking is not right and you are holding a poor mentality and bad attitude.

Therefore , attention all women, you have to clear your mentality up before blaming other women . Could you always accept your husband got poor mentally over another girl or daughter in law ? Could you stop your husband?
Absolutely not, you could not control your husband, you could not tell to your husband and father about their fault and blamed it to other innocent, Insane women, who never look at to your husband instead your husband tortured and troubled to her . Oh my gosh, look at the society! So disgusting and horrible!

The women who says that only her daughter is good and others daughters are bad is the most horrible woman in the world. Whoever the mother in law who torture the daughter in law are the most dangerous women in the society. The women who don’t value and respect another women, daughter or daughter in law in our society are the real dirt of our society. The women who think that only their daughter is princess and others daughter is bitch are again the real dirt of our society and we should wash their mentality first. Similarly, the women who is staying with her husband and family but torture another married - single women in the society are the most disgusting and rude one in our society . These women are all mess of your society because they are motivating lots of daughter to commit suicide in our community .

Just wearing expensive clothes and jewelries and styling with your husband and you will not be count as a nice woman. Because lots and lots of domestic violence against women happening in the family after you bring the daughter in law in to the house and there is always women hand to  hide the incident.

Tell me if you are happy with your daughter in law in the same house and vice versa then after only you will be counted as a perfect family otherwise that is not a great thing to stay just with your family and you will be counted as a nice family  in any way . All this domestic violence is happening just because of our  low mentality and even lower attitude. Only staying with your husband and family will not be counted as the happy family until a daughter in law could exist happily in the same home . Hope, everyone understands my points .

I have seen, most of the women, you are too much! If the men put big eyes in the daughter in law then what happened ? That’s why most daughter in law will not want to stay with the parents in the same home and separate once they get married because then real men and women’s attitudes displayed when you will become the father in law and mother in law in exception some of the daughter in law in this era are also horrible therefore the relationship should be maintained from both sides and it cannot be maintained from one side only.
Therefore , everyone first, change your mentality and attitude towards another women as she could be your daughter or daughter in law then after only you will be counted as an educated person otherwise, even though you hold a college degree it does not matter because sometimes some illiterate women are far more knowledgeable than the educated one . otherwise even though you are living in the well-developed country like America ,Australia and Europe and has traveled thousands of countries you don’t look good but rude and you will become the dirt of our society.

 Moreover, this kind of incidents mostly happening in the poor middle-class family than educated family. Therefore, if you are the educated one please be present like an educated one. If not at least please learn to respect and save others daughter too. Everyone, please not only save your daughter and mother but also save your daughter in law and of course a wife as well. please do not dominate her as a victim because without a daughter in law your house will not be present as a house what do you think ? Attention all ! please clear up the “bitch “ part of your mind, until unless you won’t clear up your mentality, there are lots and lots of daughter , daughter in law , mother in law are sacrificing their lives in to our society just because of the domestic violence and sexual harassment be aware about the fact that , it could be your daughter too . Therefore, women should be protective to the other women too, please do love and respect to all women , your prospective towards women will be changed .

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